A Grand Dilemma

I am in a very awkward and nameless position; in short, I have a grand dilemma. My nephew is like a son to me, at least he is the closest I will ever get to experiencing fatherhood. He now has a son of his own and we just don’t know what we want this child to call me (He also has a daughter that was born recently but we are not even going to tackle that issue yet). My nephew refers to me as “Padrino” (His Godfather in Spanish) or “My Uncle” (in English). I am technically not the baby’s Grandfather or Abuelo, but I am not just his uncle. He could call me Tio (uncle in Spanish) but that is much too easy and not special enough, at least not by my standards. After all, had my wife and I not sent them on their Mediterranean Honeymoon Cruise where the weather was so bad all they could do was stay in the room and have lots and lots of sex engage in indoor activities, this boy might not have been conceived. Since we suspect he was conceived somewhere around the Greek Isles, we decided early on he would call my wife Yaya (Greek for Grandmother). He could call me Pappous (Pronounced Pah-Poo and Greek for Grandfather) but it might be too confusing with Papa or Papi, all derivatives of the word father. Plus, something with the sound of Poo in it for me didn’t sound very appealing. Somebody recommended that since my wife would be Yaya, he should call me Yeyo (slang term for cocaine in Spanish – did you see Scarface?) but we also felt that was not appropriate, especially living in Miami. So still I remain nameless and I need to be given a title. Our friend Maria’s kids, partially Asian, refer to us as Tia Won (pronounced with a long O as in Oprah) and Tio Fwan (rhymes with ‘on’) and our other friend Martha’s kids refer to us as Tati Yvonne and Tio Juan. These are perfectly good names if you are not a blood relative, partially Chinese and/or the child of a best friend or both, but not for my nephew’s child who is part of my bloodline and in whose father’s life I have played such an instrumental role. So perplexed we remain. At one point my wife referred to me as “Wello” a cutesy form of saying Abuelo but it was a little uncomfortable too because frankly I’m not the boy’s grandfather although in his life I plan to be someone very, very, very grand.So for now, until we decide, he will be my Grandsomeone (a term I coined early on when they were pregnant) and I will be his only special Tio Padrino Wello Pappous Fwan, otherwise known as this little boy’s one and only:

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