This week (with the exception of the CW network that feels a need to be first at the party) is the beginning of the Fall TV Season. Technically this means that I will spend an inordinate amount of time in front of the tube coordinating DVR schedules, selecting programming, watching programming and deciding what I will be watching for the next few weeks.
Suffice it say that if I like a new TV offering a whole lot, it will be cancelled shortly. Those shows that I hold in mediocre esteem, will find a large audience and those that I detest will be runaway hits. This will leave me to wallow in the misery that are the few staples that will become fixtures in my TV watching repertoire. I’m not in the right demographic anymore, I’ve moved to that box that says 44 through something else.
But there will also be the return of my old television shows who like friends away on sabbatical will be returning home. What happened to my Five-0 squad in Hawaii? Is Wisteria Lane home to a new housewife? Will the Dolphins go to the Superbowl? Shouldn’t Two and a Half Men be called Three Men since the kid is all grown up? Is that man ever going to tell us how he met the kids’ mother? Are Mike and Molly going to Weight Watchers? Is Alicia still a good wife now that she too is an adulterer? And what is the name of the 850 lbs. man who will certainly become the biggest loser of all time? I wait with anticipation for all of these questions and more to be answered because I am a television junkie (the first step is to admit that you are powerless!)
I, thankfully, am not alone. There are other junkies around me. My
daughter-in-law or niece-in-law depneding on how I feel about her on any particular week nephew’s wife will surely have put together her Excel spreadsheet for the season and she will coordinate all of her programming around the feeding and napping schedules of her newborn and toddler. My nephew will veto all of her programming choices over anything and everything Football, while my mother will proceed to tell me that every new show on Telemundo and Univision is the best thing she’s ever seen. My wife will find every new show ‘fascinating’ for it presents an opportunity for her to do one of her best exercise routines: P-90-X: The Couch Potato Version. And sometimes I will struggle with those time slots where there are five things I want to watch and not enough DVR power to go around. On those days I have to choose and someone doesn’t make the cut. That choice will haunt me for weeks.
The next few weeks will be a madhouse with all of the new programming and all, but
with medication, alcohol and a few weekends where we tell people we are out-of-town we will get through it.
For us, this is a TV frenzy. I know plenty of people who ask me, “How can you watch all of that TV?” My simple response is, ‘Because I can and because I like it.” I will watch drama, news, sports, comedy, reality, movies, documentaries, musical specials, concerts, opera, infomercials; in short, I will watch anything the catches my eye and most things catch my eye. Call it Media ADD or hypersensitivity, but I love to watch television.
I will not apologize for it. I will not change my behavior and I will continue to do it. I already threw away my cigarettes years ago and I spend more time writing about Martinis than I do drinking them, so please leave me with my overworked DVRs, my harried watching schedule and those countless hours where I am enjoying someone else’s odd and/or ‘reality’ scripted behavior rather than worrying about my own that has yet to find a time slot on any network.