The Voice

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My cousin Linda told my wife I should go on the TV show The Voice. In her words, he can sing, it doesn’t matter if he’s fat and old.

No offense taken really because for the longest it has been my joke. I always said that when they brought Fat, Old, American Idol I would audition.

Truth is I can carry a tune quite well and probably have a decent range and tone to my voice. Reality? I suffer from terrible stage fright when it comes to singing.

I’ve acted, I’ve given speeches, I’ve emceed events, but when it comes to singing I’m not necessarily comfortable performing. I can sing in a group setting, but don’t ask me to go solo for more than two bars because I will freeze.

And I wish I could sing live in front of an audience because I love to sing and I love music (making it, writing it, listening to it).

When Yvonne and I had our tenth wedding anniversary party, I sang briefly before introducing a montage of pictures. I was sweating, my heart was racing and I thought I would pass out. It was the most horrifying experience of my life.

I remember after I did it I walked over to Yvonne and held her hand because I thought my feet would not hold me up.

I received many accolades that night, but that was the start and end of my adult singing career.

So Linda said I should audition for the voice because the ‘judges’ don’t look at you, at least not initially. What do I do with the audience? I need a show with no judges, no audience and a barrier from anyone hearing me through the walls.

I have a great name for this new show:

The Shower.

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