Haven’t had a double post Friday in a while but today has been chock full of potential blog topics and I feel like sharing. No, I will not write about Dirty Martinis and how I’m going to have one today (or two, or three, or four…who’s counting?), but I am going to write about some other subjects that help me to embrace the Friday joy that is pervading my soul.
I have had to work myself up to be happy this week, but I’ve battled the demons that sell unhappiness and ventured from the world of pessimism and doom to the world of optimism and tempered reality.
A friend of mine told me today that I just needed time to process, but lately I’ve felt like a machine that goes and goes, nonstop, only to keep going (no cute Energizer Bunny reference here).
The theme this week for my life has been Recovery and Loss. These words have been so prevalent in everything I’ve experienced that in taking stock of my week, I realize I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster (sitting in the front seat – mind you) that has consisted of perpetual dips.
I had to put my big girl panties on and lift myself up so I could look toward the future. Looking forward always makes me feel better because all bad times are usually temporary. When we allow bad times to gain permanence we fuel the fire of discontent and venture toward darker pastures. That was not an option so that was my journey through recovery.
My journey through loss has suffered from a slower pace and from realization of feelings I had that were stronger than I gave them credit. This week there were days where I felt I had been punched in the gut and I found it hard to catch my breath. Doctors will tell you this may be anxiety or depression, but looking back today I realized it was grief. Grief made its way in and had to find, if not a way out, a path more tolerable than its initial course. I will get there.
I also found time this week to dream about my future Powerball win, to accept my temporary loss when the numbers didn’t roll my way and to finally fix my pool (only to have something else break). So, again, recovery and loss have been a permanent fixture in the hours since Sunday bid hello to a new week.
But here I am on Friday. Still hopeful, still smiling, and always looking forward to the hours I will share with children, friends and family before Monday morning veers its head and serves me a cup of coffee. It is a life full of lessons and challenges. It is a life of gifts and joys. It is a life of loss and recovery.
And in between, it is a blessed life and it is mine to make the most of it. So I will. Cheers. Happy Friday!