Day 37: Elusive Recovery


My day started sans breakfast and sans coffee, carefully following instructions from my cardiologist who was going to administer a stress test today.

The stress test was to measure my heart’s ability to withstand intense exercise and rigorous physical activity.

While I did not pass out and was able to somewhat complete the test, my heart rate did not recover as quickly as it should.

That is the Juan way.

I don’t recover from anything quickly. I remember events, places and betrayals as easily as I remember what I had for breakfast yesterday morning.

I’m a ‘holderoner’; I don’t let go of things easily, not even my elevated heart rate.

It’s who I am and perhaps it makes me flawed, but my mental hoarding has come in handy at times.

For instance, I’m someone who is great to have around during a trivia tournament. My head collects useless facts and figures like Yvonne’s Swiffer gathers crumbs off the floor.

I also collect worry like my thirst collects water.

Today, immediately after having a very late breakfast and consuming mass quantities of coffee (finally!), I went on a research mission on how to improve my heart rate issue in the upcoming weeks.

Of course, the caffeine in my system along with the adrenaline brought forth by my new element of worry, was elevating my heart rate way beyond normal.

Recovery was escaping me even when I was on my journey toward a solution.

I had to slow down, rid myself of worry and focus on what was in my control – I needed to look for the elegant solution that focused less on facts and more on behavior.

I wasn’t going to train my heart to rest better until I pushed it to limits it had never crossed. And, I would have to cross these limits methodically, in spurts and intervals.

Reasoning with myself, finally brought my resting heart rate back to normal so I let go and made room for recovery to become part of my hoarding inventory.

A recovery that I will temporarily store on the shelf labeled elusive.


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