Day 81: The Pretty And The Damned

Letting go is not an easy thing to do.

I am a holder-hanger-onner.

I believe in causes.

I believe in people.

I believe in taking the joke as far as I can.

I believe in holding on, hanging on and clutching at something until it is no longer viable for me to keep it.

It is, I admit, a flaw.

This tenacity has allowed me to plant a garden of friendships and long lasting relationships that encompass numerous years.

Save for my fiscal beliefs, I think I’ve held on to my political beliefs since I was six.

And yes, I have also been the staunch supporter of many a lost cause. I would have made a great defense attorney, being able to rationalize anything put in my path.

So it is hard when I have to admit defeat.

It is hard when I have to write the words, I am giving up.

My enough filter has been turned on and the reality that my grip is grabbing emptiness has found its way home.

My wife usually gives me that look that prompts me to look inward and begin the application for release. She is my eyes and ears when I’ve become too close to a situation to behave rationally.

After sharing with her my feeble attempt at making contact with one of my lost causes, she gave me the look.

The look said it is time.

The look said enough.

The look said stop.

Realizing that the time was here, that my cup had runneth over and that I was to cease my activity, that is exactly what I did.

Letting go is not an easy thing to do.

Especially, when what you are happening to let go of is something so uniquely yours, so uniquely special and so uniquely wrong…

And yet all you can think about is that no matter what, it is still…

Pretty.

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