Day 5: Woe For My Fair Lady Mary

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I shan’t be dissuaded from watching.

I’ve been (pronounced like bean) waiting ever so fervently and patiently, perhaps showing too much mirth in my zeal for vulgar television.

But it is Public television after all, so a dispensation of my visible character flaws I hope you will permit.

I’m giddy with joy and antici (say it!) pation.

My fair ladies are coming home tonight. And this gentlemen, donning his most proper elastic shorts and worn t-shirt, is waving the flag of the motherland in a raucous welcome to those he has missed for far too long.

Damn her, my cursed friend and sometimes foe, Lady Martha of Cabrera, who introduced me to these scandalous characters, who force me to follow their upstairs and downstairs lives as if I were nothing but a heartless guttersnipe, no better than a gossip mongrel writing for a rag.

Damn my curious and villainous soul that peers at their lives through the small screen, anxiously waiting for the next moment in their privileged and domestic lives. Never have I been more interested in being named a Lord and a Butler, all at the same time.

Tonight, I make my way back to Downton Abbey, ready to grieve along with Lady Mary and the rest of the family for dear dead cousin Matthew. I’m ready to take my meals downstairs with Mrs. Hughes, Mr. Carson and Mr. Bates. I want to partake of my blood sausages, my spots of tea and my many, many frivolous moments of impropriety as I silently applaud every snippet of discourse that emanates from Dame Maggie Smith’s mouth in the role of Lady Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham.

Tonight, tonight, it all begins tonight. I will see it and all in the world will go away. I’ve grown so accustomed to those faces, that tonight they will make my day begin (and I usually don’t enjoy Sunday evenings).

I’m beside myself, scarcely able to control my emotions in an undignified display of happiness that renders me common and strips me of any traces of refined nobility.

Still, I wait and I watch, for whether my life continues upstairs or downstairs, tonight I get to return to Downton Abbey.

That, my seven loyal readers, makes tonight the luckiest and fairest lady of them all.

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