Day 66: Basic Instincts

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I have a natural tendency to be a happy person.

It wasn’t always that way, but I believe that somewhere along my trajectory of life, I’ve unlearned the complex and negative factors that contribute to perpetual dissatisfaction.

I don’t know if I expect less from people or if I’ve become so comfortable in my own skin that I don’t seek approval outside of my inner circle, but I can definitely attest that I’m a lot more easygoing than I’ve ever been.

Experience has taught me that judgement only has a place when looking inward and, even then, I’ve given myself a few passes for less than stellar behavior in the past few years.

I am a flawed human, a work in progress of sorts, evolving and partaking of this life with the basic instincts engraved into my psyche guiding my behaviors. I slip quite a bit, but I try at every turn to be a better person (although I am not always successful).

I praise a universal, omnisciently present deity in a language we both understand ; I love another human being just a little less than I love myself (and I love myself plenty) and I try to contribute to the experience of others as best I can, focusing on my humor and wit to charm my way into their lives.

As a far from perfect model, this human tries his best and that has to be good enough for the audience because at this juncture, almost five decades into this performance, the dog and pony shows are over. What you see, is what you get. And, what you get, has to be enough.

That, by far, has been the hardest basic instinct to break – being a people pleaser by design has evolved into being a people pleaser by choice. The choice has been to focus on that aforementioned inner circle, the purveyors of ‘my happy’, the beautifully complex souls who whisper to my own and deliver messages filled with simple candor, absent of conflict, generously sprinkled with unbridled affection.

By limiting the audience, by making choices and by unlearning the basic instincts packed into my valise at birth, I think my journey toward becoming a better me has been an interesting ride, if albeit, a bumpy one.

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