We went to see Maleficent.
It should have been a story about evil and sleeping beauties.
Instead, it was a story of ill-mannered children and their inconsiderate parents sitting in the dark movie theater.
Twenty-two minutes into the movie and I was wishing that the prick of a finger on a spindle would swiftly send the child behind me into the deepest of sleeps, at least enough to let me finish watching the picture in peace.
But no that was not to be. The mother fed her soda, cola and conversation, all elements to prompt her to remain more than wide awake during the film.
Said child mentioned once too many times how Maleficent was a good witch or a bad witch, leading me to believe I was in Oz and having a conversation with Glinda. She then proceeded to visit the restroom three times during the ninety-eight minute film, but not without kicking my reclining stadium seat too many times to count.
In between these bits of behavior, she proceeded to have extended conversations with her mother as my wife and I tried to enjoy our movie.
The mother, oblivious to her surroundings or cognizant of simple social graces, proceeded to ignore the child and engage in lame attempts at discipline. Meanwhile, she too shared every thought she met – loudly, as if she were in her own home.
This has happened to me before and always in the same vicinity of movie theaters. Either I pick films that prompt this kind of behavior from the audience or we have merely lost sight of common courtesy.
Even Maleficent, known for decades now to not be a nice person, she exercised absolute decorum when she popped into a party, uninvited, and bestowed the curse of the spindle on the unsuspecting baby Aurora.
But the kid behind me, her mother and the rest of their group, they needed a sleep curse to cure them of their inconsiderate behaviors. I wish the kingdom of fairies would have waged war on them and obliterated them completely.
Alas, that was not to be. I was cursed to endure this torture which prompted me to make a decision.
I need to stick to my living room and digital streaming. It is quieter, cheaper, the food is more appealing and the only one’s falling into any deep sleep are Yvonne and I as we enjoy the comforts of home.
Yes, we would be two sleeping beauties of a different sort, but at least we would not be annoyed.