Disappointment comes in quickly as anger subsides and reason takes over.
What little return we get on our investments of affection these days. It is a pervasive issue and one that we created for ourselves.
By reducing expectations we fostered the creation of individuals immune to the subtle details of the human condition.
By trying to protect, shelter and guide we alienated these beings from the worlds of bravery, independence and navigation.
By loving so deeply and with a fervent desire to lessen the load of their journey, we taught them to not look for the oft more interesting beaten path.
Their lives have been a series of express trains with little or no stops, comfortable cabins with adequate security de-stressing the voyage even further.
We’ve made ourselves the given in their lives, proving that no matter what we will be there.
I often wonder if our own feelings of absence whilst on our parallel journey decades earlier fed this desire to be better, to be more present, to be there.
Did we insert ourselves so much that now we’ve become part of the scenery they were never taught to admire?
When did we render ourselves obsolete in the realm of reciprocated emotion?
I don’t know the answer to these questions but I ponder this today as a quiet sadness clouds my day.
It is a sadness that reminds me that no matter what happens I will continue to protect, shelter and guide. I will continue to push and help navigate the way because that is my role.
I was born and wired to be the conductor of this express train even if I’m overlooked at boarding.
They know I’m leading the way.
They know I always have.
And because this was the first lesson they learned and unbeknownst to me I taught them to ignore, they know I always will.