You Are There

Whenever I look at the lights
Shining brightly reminding me of the season
Red and blue seem to find their way into my heart
Wrapped in the deep color of Christmas
Is the azure shade of never having met you
What days of joy we would have had
If destiny had bookmarked you into my early pages
I never dreamed of a world without you present
Yet I learned to unwrap other ways to find joy
On the morn of so many Christmases now past
I still yearn for that moment that I know will never come
It exists for me somewhere between reality and dreams
Where imagination knows no bounds and hopes are not dashed
Completely aware that this is my fate and it is a good one
With twinges of nostalgia for what could have been
I firmly accept what I have been given
For what has been under my tree has been plentiful
Richly reserved solely for me and mine
Grateful for this opportunity to relish it all in this one life
The difference of the minus and the plus has been generous
I can’t remember a time when love wasn’t an ornament decorating it all
I can’t remember a time where chaos didn’t render peace and peace broke out to warm our home
In the crowds of the many substitutes that graced our walls
Borrowed hearts from friends and family alike
Generously shared with us with unconditional welcome
The pitter patter of little feet never absent in the footprints of a freshly cleaned floor
Mugs of hot chocolate and warm buttered bread with crumbs littering that same floor
Hugs galore followed by the asks of teenage advice and the angst of forthcoming adulthood
We’ve seen it all and missed out on little
But on quiet mornings like these where too much coffee sends me on wisps of melancholy
I miss the you I never met
The one who lives only in my thoughts and unclaimed beats of my heart
It is a palpable, tangible loss and it overwhelms until it doesn’t
So I look at the lights
Shining brightly reminding me of the season
Red and blue finding their way into my heart
And somewhere between these shades of joy and longing
You are there

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