I am a genuinely happy person.
I do have the ability to access some very dark places in my writing and in my search for authenticity.
This doesn’t sit well with people who know me and who think I’m wallowing in a pit of despair down a spiral of introspection that is damning every waking hour of my being. Ugh!
Do you see what I mean?
I can go there. I can go to the horror movie in my life, document tidbits of rancor, pain, lesson and hurt and still face life with a big smile.
It’s called resilience, self-assuredness and survival.
Besides, I have a fantastic partner and a steadfast inner circle that gets me and understands what’s for show, what’s for impact, what is art and what is real.
Real is life now, not then.
To recall memories and document the feelings felt at a given interval of life is a healthy exercise. It proves we survived the challenging, treasured the memorable and defeated the obstacles.
In the past two weeks I have gone deeply inward and published entries from my vantage point at fifty. I wrote about those closest to me. I wrote about family. I wrote about myself. I’m proud of the work I did and if I am to be honest, I wrote most of the posts over a weekend and scheduled them for publication over these past few days. My period of introspection was a short one.
My readers were concerned I had gone dark. I saw it in the comments I received and I saw it in their silence.
Rest assured, I stand in the light.
I’m laughing and I’m done.
We can all breathe a sigh of relief.
I’m coming out of the dark.