I know I’m a little late, but I wanted to expose the hypocrisy of it all.
So I finally watched the Fifty Shades movie after never being able to get through the dribble and horrid writing that was the book, and I have to admit that despite the leads not having one iota of chemistry, the premise of the story was…interesting.
Messed up rich guy, meets meek middle class girl, introduces her to his indoor playground and chest of toys and proceeds to make her a captive member of his adventures.
In between, he expands her horizons by teaching her about bondage, pain, humiliation and degradation. All the while she is enjoying all of this so much, she has bit most of her bottom lip off – this is the endearing trademark that tells us that she likes this ‘stuff’ in a coy sort of way.
He promises to never date her, never sleep in the same bed with her and never give her more than he can give (whatever that means).
In exchange, she looks miserable throughout the whole story but still insists that he beat her, albeit gently, albeit still a beating, so she can understand his desires and his demons.
If I asked Yvonne if I could hit her to work out my issues, I would be served with divorce papers the next minute.
Which then leads me to question why my wife loves this series of books? Why did Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey take over her world while the trilogy was being devoured like a giant feast from her iPad?
Yvonne explains one morning as I’m getting dressed for work and she’s exiting the shower:
‘It’s not about the sex or the deviant acts. It is the story of how she saves him from himself. Sort of how I saved you…’
In an effort to give it right back to her, I look at the belt in my hands and give her a look that says, ‘Maybe I need some more saving…’
She looks back at me and without skipping a beat says, ‘Unless you want me to unleash fifty shades of bitch on you, clear your mind of those thoughts…’
I realize two things:
She’s a hypocrite. What’s good for Anastasia will never be good for her. It’s all fiction.
And I also realize one key fact:
I will never be Christian Grey. Never.