But Not Today

Nostalgia wakes me up

First breath of the day and I think of Cuba

From my bedroom window I see a cloudy sky

Still, I’m in the Caribbean sunbathing with my thoughts

What can that feel like to me who grew up with this void?

Never having set foot, literally, on my land of birth

It’s like I flew in and out of Cuba

One brief moment in time 

A blip on the radar of my life

That brief yesterday such a grand hyphen in my existence

Between then and now

With the opportunity to return

Comes the potential for disappointment

What if the Cuba in my head

Doesn’t live up to the Cuba before my eyes?

What if the stories ingrained in me since childhood

Are painted in nothing but faded colors?

What if they are exaggerated by the distant hopes of my now deceased grandfather?

A child of exile in his early seventies

The smartest, most unlearned man I knew

Whose lessons in wisdom required no syllabus 

Who taught me that home resides within me

And not the other way around

What if my expectation is shattered

Learning that ‘You can’t go home again…’

Still I know I must make the trek

The journey has to be made

The return must occur if I am to ever be complete

Complete and whole

The beach disappears

I toss and turn on my comfortable bed

Knowing the day is calling me to begin my routine

Knowing that my life is waiting for that someday

A someday that will be soon

But not today

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