Run On Juan

Open your eyes and go through the motions of trying to complain about that which cannot be fixed, watching friends mourn their mothers and knowing there is absolutely nothing that can be done because grief has to run its course, like a virus that needs to exit the body at its own time, like the cold that wants to announce its arrival by the tickle in my throat and the incessant sneezing, wheezing coming from lack of oxygen to my lungs prevented by the somewhat stuffed nose, a nose that should stop to smell the roses and be grateful for my many blessings, but life is hectic and busy now so blessings are hard to find on the shelf because change and turmoil appear to be the sale of the day, a day where lunch is on the rush and emails don’t stop and questions, questions, questions have replaced conversation, vacation is definitely over and now a distant three day memory past midnight, not a sound from the pavement, has the moon lost her memory, she is smiling alone, as I eat alone because today I don’t have time for anymore people and I need to write, write, write as if I’m running out of time, clearing the clutter,  over stuffing my box of thought, random tidbits of info I’ve gathered along my way as my routine is disturbed and I retreat into the silence of my internal yell, I know it well,  the cry for help I hear in my silence, amid the controlled chaos I experience leaving me a little touched and a lot altered and much changed because I am a mess of contradictions and yet it all comes together and works, it works well and Wednesday becomes tolerable and the jumble of words covers the canvas of my expression and it all becomes good, the hurry subsides and I breathe through the noise as I write, write, write to make it all right, right, right, I wish I may, I wish I might.

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